Love lights more fire than hate extinguishes...

Hello All :) Ahh, School is seriously draining me out. i mean it been 3 days and sooo much has happened.. okay, i over did it, a bit has happened.. Beginning's have started and endings have begone... Yes, this is all in 3 days.. :P For the last few months, i have avoided Bog, So i dont feel anything for him... but recently it has been different.. WAY out of proportion.. :( When i look at him, i feeling, like a rush and nerves and happiness that just shoots through me.. i dont understand why , but i do... I Fell Like a baby. Honestly... I was holding my friends hand, and for some reason, he wanted to hold hers, so he took my hand, held it in his, trying to get to my friend.. why he wanted her hand? who knows... But i have never had a feeling like that before... i dont even think when kissing.. how creepily Scary??? :O :O :O So as all of you know, "bog", Seems like he is the star for Babshoes... Just a warning, you will not be hearing about him any longer... You cant. because just a few hours ago, i told him how i felt. Straight out! We talked for about 2 hours, so please. i really dont think you wanna know the WHOLE story... but anyway :) It started as i was talking with my friend and saying should i tell him or not??? Like i was seriously confused... :O ANyway, then as i was saying that guess who i get a message from? Him Asking who i like... I was all mysterious about it.. and he kept on asking me who it was, and eventually i just cracked. I Said, Bog, It you okay! I never got over you form the start, the first time.. i dont know what to do, i dont know what to say, i dont even know the point of me telling you this is? But i am... We talked on this subject for about 30 mins... and came to the conclusion, he is now over us, when i am not... I have to, i really have to get over him... and i will. i juts need time.. He doe snot like me anymore.. and i know we can not happen.. maybe its good i said that, cause now he has re-assured it in my head.. As much as it may be hurt... my heart is braking inside... i have never felt like this before.. Our whole convo was about 2 hours.. so i honestly have NO idea where to start? :P After talking for a while... i was really hurt, crying and braking inside... i told him that its not wonder why peoples responses were what they were.. he tried to make out what i meant by me saying that? i would not tell him.. he had to figure it out himself. its anyway about him, you know? After a while he said, why? Cause im a dick..? I was hurt, so i said yeah, you have no feelings for what girls think... you probably dont realise it, but you say and do stuff to girls that hurt soo much, you really dont understand... "Blah Blah Blah"... In that part of the convo, i told him EVERY SINGLE one of his bad qualities..(mainly the ones to girls) Thinking oh wow, Babyshoes, you really blown it this time, he send me this apology... it was sweet, i must admit.. but that cant just change stuff... I told him that the Bog i Fell in love with was a different one to now, that he has changed, and i really dont like it.. I think he took the whole thing really well, because he apologized again, and asked if i could please help him, and he wants to turn over a new leaf with the way he treats girls.. I must say that i feel pretty good about that. Who would think that Babyshoes would be the one to put him in his place, and set him straight.. Oh yeahhhhh.. :) What i really dont get it, if i would tell a guy i like them, and they dont feel the same, i would feel embarrassed, and change the story around a bit, so its not like im making a fool of myself.. Its weird, because with him, i sort of wanted reasons why NOT? Not fighting for him, but asking and questioning his "no" Which i really dont get? Anyway.. there is soooo much more to the story, really... But i think ill save that for in person, so i actually know who i am talking to when i tell them.. Hope Bog has not made you all too bored.. :P Got To Go Finish Some art projects.. Ah, school really does suck... :P Speaking of art drawings, i was just going through some, these are all randomly selected, just a few form a few months ago... Hope you like them :):)
Oh, i found this really nice quote which i like.. i can relate to it...Love lights more fire than hate extinguishes... Blog Tommorow. Babyshoes. ♥

Its For The Best, You'll See.

Hello Readers,
First day of school hey? Ahhhh... Wow, i forgot how it was.. :P

Last night was such a rush, i had such alot to do...
it really sucked, cause today i was like falling asleep in class, but whats new there.. :P

Last night i got to slip in a bit of smsing, facebook and mxit...
Hmm... and guess who was on mxit, and started talking to me?
Blog.

I Know i know... i said i was not going to talk to him, and avoid him, and never write a blog on him again... but its hard... i cant help it.. so here is goes... AGAIN.
Sorry :/

we were just talking about casual stuff like holidays, school, what our day was like... stuff like that..
i could feel him pull me in, once again.. so i had had enough...
I said straight out, Bog, why do you always tell me you like me, then ditch me and get over me in a few days? you know how i feel about this whole thing.. and that i always get hurt, so i dont get it... why do you do it?
I don't know what i expected his answer to be.. i really dont... but i never expected his one...

We talked for a while, but here is the summed up version..
He said because he does like me, when ever he tells me that he does, its true... but the reason its for so short is because he thinks about it, and can NEVER imagine going out with me... he just REALLY REALLY wants to get with me...

when i heard that, i dont know if i was angry, happy or upset...
He had just made it very clear to me that he would NEVER EVER go out with me. ever.
He had said he would just kiss me, for his pleasure and action...
He was pushing me away, which was a good thing i guess... but i was just not expecting it there and then...

he asked me if i would let anything happen, and i told him exactly how i felt..
there so many reasons it could not... about friends, who he was, and other reasons like that.. that i would not do that.. but most of all, because i said to him(because he knows his effect on me) i cant. you dont get it.. you never will, but every time you bring this up, tell me that.. i am the one that gets hurt! not you... you dont know how i have been feeling over and over again.. and i really dont appreciate it..

I also told him that about the kissing thing, does he honestly think that if anything would ever happen(which it wont) i dont know about him, but i would get attached, and when you get attached to Bog. what happens? you just get hurt... i said im not going to do that to myself.. and its not that easy to just think, oh, it will be fine..

But whatever.. there is nothing i can do about it..
and its for the best..

Even though i got told that i could never date someone.. ever. :P

Oh well, it just a sign, that now i feel im ready to get over this whole thing, im not alone..
Well, sort of...

Its really good to know i have friends that care about me though, like this one guy always makes sure im okay and if im not will spend hours talking to me about it, to make sure im fine. :)

See? what did i tell you.. school starts alot of drama...

So lets write about my school day now...
it was so nice to see people i have not seen in ages.. it really made me smile.. :D
Apparently according to this guy, "as a joke" i have swine flu... i mean come on! :P
Bog just walks past me in the corridors like i dont exist.. then later that day, gives me all these flirtatious looks.. :P ?
But i must admit.. i Had alot of fun laughing at him today, something i think *spilt or dropped* or whatever on his pants today, and well, he got a hair cut...
and we all know boys with the sexy hair-cuts :P

Anyway, one day down.. Alot more to go, Ill Check you tomorrow...
Let you in on all the scoop.
Hehe...

Blog Tomorrow.
BabyShoes.
♥

I Miss Youuuuuu :(

Babyshoes Here, Hellooooo :)
Today.
last day of holidays?? can you believe it, i think i might just tear up.. it really really sucks. :O

Me and a bunch of my girlfriends went to this garden place, it was sooo much fun, like seriously.
What can be better than chilling with friends... in the sun... no boys to distract you... and of course, posing for pictures, which i happen to be a big fan of :P

At the end of every year, there is a camp, that i live for! no joke..
Anyway, last year i got friendly with a lot of johanesberg people and i became so close, like you actually dont understand, to this girl...
every second of everyday i think about her and how much i miss her..
thank G-d for cellphones and facebook, cause if i never had that, i would not be able to get hold of her..
and if i could not get hold of her..
well, lets just say that would NOT bee Good. :)

Last night she called and it was really nice, we talked for probably an hour, slightly shorter than usual, because we were sort of falling asleep while on the phone.. i really missed her voice.
normally we talk about every 2 weeks or something.. but we had not talked in about a month.
It was really sad, but im so glad i got to hear her voice last night..
it was the perfect ending to the holidays :)

Guess who i bumped into yesterday?? My Ex-Boyfriend. You guys remember him, the one that i drew all the pictures of?
Yeah, me and my friend saw this guy we knew, so ran up to say hello, and to our surprise he was there too...
In my head i was just going "shitshitshitshit" because we have not talked in ages... no joke.
but it was fine, like we just friends..
but its so strange, because until i went out with him i only like saw all the good things, cause i like him..
my friends would say the bad things, but i could not see them.. and not that im over him, i can. Its just so weird how you look at people completely differently at different times.. i had never really thought about it. ?

It really sucks to think that in a few hours im going to be studying in school. i mean seriously...
i know my life is prettyboring right now, but school is starting... and drama always happens there, so bye bye for now, ill let you know all the gossip tomorrow, oh, dont you worry.

Blog Tomorrow.
BabyShoes.
♥

Truth Be Told.

Hello Fellow Readers. :)
I Am Very Happy, People are actually reading this Blog.
Nearly 100 viewers. :):)

Last night i tossed and turned, not being able to get a certain someone out of my head.
(yes, i am still talking about "Bog".)

Dear Bog, I feel ashamed that i have this *feeling* for you.
I Really Do.
I Know this is cold and pretty harsh, But I Wish i never knew you, and i wish you never existed.
It Would just save me all this pain and confusion.
last night worries, fights, hurts and tears.
You know what you do to me, so why do it?
Why even waist your breath on something that will never happen.
Something that cant happen.
Even if i wanted it too... it just cant...

Dear Bog, Either we can be friends or enemies, work it out.
but not how we are.
i cant do this anymore. Its Just Killing me

Dear Bog, I Hope one day you read this, and know what you have put me through so far this year.
Realise you wrong.
When i tell you, you hurt me, you don't care. change the topic, or make it about you.
Well Listen here,
I.Dont.Care.

D..e..a..r..B..o..g..,
I Give you 3 words... :(



But Here is a song i wrote, not this time he hurt me, but recently another time...

All Over Again.
Its So Confusing,
To suddenly change your mind.
You'd Think I'd Learnt the first time.

But you mesmerised me,
That you're the guy for me.
But thats now how it will be.

We must go our own ways,
Yeah, im over this phase.
Because the part is not the future.

I'm not gonna fall for you, all over again.
You lost your chance boy, Now this is the end.
Dont Make me regret what i said to you...
Because as hard as it was...
It was partially true.

Is this a joke or real?
Just stop playing with my head,
whats left has all been said.

I'm not gonna fall for you, all over again.
You lost your chance boy, Now this is the end.
Dont Make me regret what i said to you...
Because as hard as it was...
It was partially true.

(Sorry about the downer in attitude readers. He has been let out, free, and not to talk of again.)

Blog Tommorow.
BabyShoes. ♥

Appology For You, And All To See. ♥♥♥

Heyhey Fellow REaders. :)

Holidays have taken over me, :O
have not even had time or a computer to catch up on all this blogging :(

So, lets start form the beginning...
I was talking to one of my besties who is now in the land of *Gobble Gobble *
I Miss her very very much, as do i miss my friends in plet. :/
It kinda sucked, that at a stage, all 6 of my best friends were away... but i actually had fun. :)

For those of you who are reading, dont say i told you so..
So over a month ago, it was 2 of my best friends bday party's coming up... it was really amazing..
But about a week before... i was talking to my best friend(that's a guy) and we were talking, and it was really weird, cause recently we never liked each other, no.
we were*attracted* to eachother.
if you dont get that... its like um, we had feelings for each other, but they were *temperamental* and not too serious, which is really rare for me..
anyway, at the time i had a temperamentally dislocated jaw, and it hurt :/
But that's another story...
he made a joke about it and him kissing me, and the first thing that came to mind, was it was a joke.
i mean, it was pretty out of the blue.
and after talking for a while, i realised this was not a joke, he was serious...
the first thing i said was, like I'm not sure
1) he was my best friend.
2) it would be complicated because i told him i have to talk and check with alot of people, and if any of them don't approve, i go with them. without a say.
3) for some reason i was really scared
4) I was confused and unsure about weather it was right
6) the position i was in (best friends) was really really really pain full, hard, and took lots of nights crying over.

anyway, the story is not about that whole thing,
after checking ALOT with my friends about it.. they said yeah and whatever.. but i could see they were not being honest.
and that was really hard.
"him" on the one hand was saying that Ive tried, and if they say yes, you said that if its fine with them, then yeah... so why not?"
BUT
"me" i want to so bad, but i cant. i cant do this to so many people...

i don't know why, i was stupid. but i honestly thought that after a while, they were completely fine with it. now that i think about it. i am such a shit head.
like seriously.

that night, i dressed up, make up on, ready for the party.
but still unsure if it will happen or not?
and it was that night.
i was thinking no... even though i really wanted to.
it got harder, because we were just chilling, as friends, and nothing would happen.
then some people would be like why? go do it? how long does it take? so if they say that, i think they fine with it..
i must say it made me more confident about the whole thing...

It was the end of the night.
nothing happened.
i was disappointed, but okay.
it was for the best...

But then it hit me. we were both sleeping over at the same friend. The party girl. we leaving last..
it was gonna happen... i knew it.
And it did.
i snuck away, not thinking I'm gonna get the best response, but an average one, and when i look at them.
my friends.
i see the eyes of shame and disappointment.
i have NEVER had this feeling inside me before...
it was horrible... i actually never slept that night...

After that. it only brings back bad memories.
i actually just got over it, so im not gonna talk about it now.
sorry about that.

now with the whole "told you so thing'
once we were fine again, me and my friends...

The guy i got with, was acting really strange.. and i really did not like it.
After thinking it through a few times, i realised the best thing to do was talk to him.
i told him how i felt, and we were good again.
but unfortunately not the same. :(

I really was worried it would not go back to the same again..

Today i realised, that it was mainly in my head, me telling myself that..
because we have been talking, and we are 100% great again. i really like it.

From this whole thing. since then.
i have said that im staying away form guys and drama for a while.. Cause i honestly cant go through that again..

and without all the bumps along the way, its actually been pretty great :)
i worry about my friends, and family.
and the closest I'm getting to boy drama, is smacking any of them across the face, if the ever hurt my friends.

For you guys, i truly am sorry for this. I know its over now, and we have talked about it. but think about it.
in this blog.
i just let the whole world know how much i love you guys, and that you mean the world to me. :)

Phew. Glad that's over.
Check me soon, cause I'm blogging one or two more tonight.
But as i say,
Blog Tomorrow.
BabyShoes. :)
♥

I'd Be Happy To Help :)

Cheerio, Helloo :)
Wow... I Am so very very disappointed in myself.. 4 days of no blogging...
*Bad Bad Babyshoes!*

Yesterday i received a very meaningful letter from my dear friend in Jhb... Wow, its crazy how much i miss her.. and the sad part is, i was with her at camp for 3 weeks! And unfortunately did not make the most of it, and well... took it for granted... I would do ANYTHING to see her now. :(

This Week Has been quiet a confusing one, i must admit...
My Head Is sooo lost, cause i miss my 2 besties who are on camp(without me :( )
My Other best friend and I, we keep on fighting! i don't know why... maybe we both PMS or something, But In the last two days we have had two fights... I Mean seriously ?

It Was Really nice also, because i have a best friend who is a guy, lets call him Tom :) I Like that, HAha...
Anyway, me and Tom are like brother and sister.. NO JOKE.
If thee is something you should not tell a boy... he is always like the first to know!
but recently me and Tom have had our ups and downs, and drifted apart... i wish we had not.. but he had also had alot to deal with, which caused us to separate...
Anyway, On Wednesday night, me and my friend invited him over, and we saw a movie, and well.. just relaxed and caught up...
And then today, me and my two friends were at me, and we went On A walk... And we called to invite him... It Was Really Nice.. because he means so much to me, its actually crazy.. but recently, he just has not been himself, and it has been kind of hard to talk to him like i used to... i Know you thinking, wow... you spent time together, now you BFFE Again..
I Know its not like that... but i feel really close to him right now, and I'm sure it will all go back to normal, especially since we going away together. :)


I Thought it would honestly suck, i mean, not having any *boy- drama* to deal with... but i must admit, its pretty nice, and relaxing.. i can just have not.. and not worry so much... :) I think i can get used to This :P

Hmmm... Pretty strange, while i am blogging, i just happened to have a Girlfriend Magazine next to me, i flipped through the pages, and Landed on Horoscopes...
Anyone Horoscope Fanatic?
Im Not. Really.. I Just Find It In An interest to see what it says you know?
but the only problem is... well, its not so good...
There 3 section to it.
Love...
Friends...
School& Family...

They All Pretty boring, well, except for this..
Chick it out...

Friends...
Its time to have a look at your friend list, and decide who deserves to be there and who hasn't been pulling their weight of late. You might even decide to change your social circle completely now...

Huh?? I Mean, i find it interesting about what they say.. but this... Im A Virgo. This Horoscope was for Virgo's, and they normally pretty accurate...
i Would NEVER change my group of friends.. i love them way to much, im just thinking, what if its trying to say something....
But never mind, im not the superstitious type, Lets move on to another Topic...

Okay, Now... Just A warning... Any Guys Reading this blog?
Yes?
No?
Well... Don't mean to be harsh or anything... But Stop. This Next Topic Is Girls 101.. Okay?
:)
I Know From Friends, Me and others that when the *teen* stage starts, What do we all get which we dread once a moth?
Yes, Im Talking About It.. Periods...
Some People Are afraid of it, what to use, and what not to, and if there any effects and can be caused?
If You Worried about what age you got yours? Time? Afraid Of Tampons? If buy using them, you still a virgin? Where?How Does it go? PMS? Blood Loss? Irregular Periods? Not Working? I Just Got Something that can solve that all...
Even If you dont know me.. i would be happy to give advice, cause trust me.. i have been dealing with it for a long time, and gave advice on it before...
If you dont want to past a comment or anything, just send me an Email, and i would be happy to help :)

Yeah, i Know... pretty random, but it just came across my mind, and thought i would share it with you..

Hope i Can Be of Anyhelp, and not just for that, about anything...
Bye Bye For Now All :)

Blog Tommorow.
BabyShoes ♥